Saturday, January 08, 2005

You're A Bitch. But I Don't Hate You Or Anything

Ben is going to go out with Caroline. He's so excited, it's hilarious. She's going with a group of his friends all in couples. My little Ben is all grown up and dating! "Wait, Sam, what if she puts her hand on the arm rest? Does that mean I should grab it?" "Ben, how the fuck should I know? I'm not Caroline." He needs his own personal girl-advisor.

So, basically, that's what we were talking about at lunch on Friday when suddenly I opened my mouth and told him that I really can not stand Caroline. Not that he's supposed to care, but I like to say what's on my mind sometimes. Like then. Anyway, he said that she didn't like me either. Big fucking suprise there. No wonder she's such a bitch. But, anyway, he then continued to tell me that, actually, many people he knows don't like me. Which was news to me. "Wait, who doesn't like me...." And so he proceeded to name off a list off preppy bitches that I hate anyway, most of which like to go get drunk and further lower their IQ. And I ceased to care. I just hate the way that they apparently wish they could slit my neck but never, ever have I even gotten a dirty look or anything. WTF??!! If you hate me, come tell me alright? Say it to my fucking face and maybe I won't have to kick your ass. Maybe.

Anyway, I finally have a pic of my beautiful straw bracelt which is my baby (and is now drying from the glue I put on it.)
I'm crazy. And the best part is.... I know it.

Playing on iTunes right now: Mr. Brightside by The Killers

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Good Enough

Teenage girls are so annoying!! Ugh! (Did I just diss myself? Why, yes. Yes I did. But mostly teenage girls in general.) They obsess over a boy turning a passing glance into something way romantic. "Oh my god, he looked at me! He must think I'm hot! I think I should go faint!" What's up with that? And then, when they get that maybe, possibly, the guy doesn't like them, they want to go die. Their life is over just because some guy doesn't like them. Suddenly they're not good enough for anything.

Girls across the world, I've got news for you. You don't have to be good enough. You're you. And that's the best thing you possibly can be. You don't have to change yourself just to be "good enough" for some guy. Because if you have to change yourself, that guy isn't good enough for you. A guy that asks you to change, or makes you feel like you're not good enough, isn't worth you're time. Because he's not going to change either. You need a guy that you don't have to change for. A guy that you can just be yourself with. And that's the best feeling of all; just being you with someone that loves you for it.

And even as I sit here, writing to girls across the world, I know that no matter what I say, they might not get it. No, you're not going to get it just because I happen to tell you. You learn from experience. But why can't you learn from other people's experience?

Oh yeah, and what happens if a guy happens across this entry? Well, I'm here to say that if you think a girl should change just for you, like wearing more revealing clothes, more make up, change her friends, or even stop talking to some guy friends, she should kick your ass and teach you a lesson. Stop being an asshole and find a girl that you like for her. A girl that you don't want to ever change. Don't lead people on, and you'll save a lot of hurt.

P.S Happy Birthday Kathryn!!

Playing on iTunes right now: Slither by Nirvana (I want the box set so bad for Christmas!!)

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Dancing Through Life

Guess what?!!! It's snowing!! I'm so excited! I don't know anyone that doesn't get excited by the first snow of the season. I guess we'll have a white Thanksgiving this year. That may be strange (somehow I shouldn't be surprised... I do live in Michigan after all. That pretty much means about 5 months of cold, crappy weather) Then again, Thanksgiving HAS to be wierd if my dad's side of the family is coming to celebrate. Let's just say there's a pretty big animosity floating around between them and my mother.... who offered to do this.... Should I be worried? We'll see.

Today was so incredibly wonderful, I can't even describe the kind of elation I experianced today. There must be a God because He must have taken over Leah's mother to let her shadow me today at school. Yeah... Leah's mom is a bitch. On Sunday, Leah and I were at Starbucks celebrating her birthday and at five o' clock when we decided to go home, Leah's mom told her to walk home. And it was fucking cold too. But anyway, Leah accompanied me to all of my classes today. It was great to have someone with me who could understand anything I could throw at her, even my secret about Andy which I've finally come to terms with. I was pretty much walking on air all day.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Sam's Day Off

Yup, I'm not feeling too well today. Ok, scratch that, I pretty much feel like shit. I wasn't feeling well on Friday (remember my headache to end all headaches?). So yeah, I've pretty much hung out with my couch and TV this weekend, which I extended to today! I can't breathe out of my nose and my throat pretty much burns whenever I have to do anything that requires it in any way. This includes drinking, eating, talking, singing, and yes, breathing. Aren't sick days so much fun? You know you want the day off. You know you're so totally jealous, just admit it. That's ok. I totally understand, sick days are only really fun when you're faking it and you get away with it. At least I didn't have to go to Spanish. Or history. Or science. Or band. Wow, I didn't miss school at all. Except I'm no where near getting Leah's present done, so tomorrow I need to get my photo-taking ass in gear. I'm sick of whining now. I have your sympathy (shut up, I know you don't really care) so yeah. I'm gonna go back under the covers now. I think a Gilmore Girls re-run may be on! Yeah.

P.S. When the highlight of your day is a Gilmore Girls re-run, please, please, get help. Get off your ass and do something. Unless you're sick, then just roll over, don't watch and fall asleep. I understand. And it's understandable if you have the Kleenex's right next to you, but when you watch Playhouse Disney, that's just sad. Get off your ass and go to the fucking bathroom or something!

playing right now on iTunes: La La by Ashlee Simpson

Friday, November 12, 2004

I'm Not That Girl

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

I think I understand how Idina Menzel felt when she sang this song. But then again, I guess Fiyero and Galinda actually made a good couple. For all you broadway musically uneducated people, this is from Wicked. Awesome musical. Way too easy to relate to.

playing on iTunes right now: nothing because I have the worst fucking head ache in the history of the world.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Bad Case of a Broken Heart

Sorry guys, I haven't updated you in a while. Well, I think I've finally convinced myself that Dan is not worth all the trouble I make him out to be. I shouldn't beat myself up about him, should I?

Remember Andy, you guys? Did I tell you he has a girlfriend? Did I tell you it kills me every time I see them together? Andy.... wow. I liked him in fourth grade. And fifth. And sixth. He was the first guy I thought I could just erase my feelings for. How wrong I was... I just can't believe what I feel right now. I love the way he makes me feel. But I hate that he's going out with Karlyn. He jokes with me more, and I can tell, he's more comfortable around me. And he also stalks me for my locker com. I just wish he felt something. I just wish it wasn't this complicated. Love is a battle field, in the classic '80's song. But what if I don't fell like fighting?

playing on iTunes right now: Castle on the Clouds by the Les Miserables Original Cast

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

There's No Solution

He sat up against my locker today, just before fourth hour. As I walked down the hall, he was looking around, attempting to spot something (or someone). Finally giving up, he leaned there and decided to wait. I thought about this fact, noting that he hadn't waited for me before fourth hour in the past week. I finally made it to my locker and he gave me a warm smile. I stood there, looking at him the same way he was looking at me wondering if I had truly given up on him as I had decided the previous night. "Oh, is this your locker?" he asked after a couple of seconds.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is."
"Really... do you want me to move?" (He was covering my entire locker so that it would be impossible to open unless I forcefully moved his ass)
"No, I have a couple of minutes. In a minute you can move."
"Oh, okay."
"Okay, now you can move."
"You said I had a minute."
"I meant until it turned to 11:28."
"That's not what you said."
"But that's what I meant." (keep in mind, all of this has gone on with a goofy smile on my face)
Taking the matter into my own hands (as he had moved a bit) I started to turn the dial repeating my com over in my head so I wouldn't forget.
"Whoa, why'd you just touch my butt?" (I hadn't really)
"Because I want you." I answered, not looking at him, but instead grabbing my American Studies book.
"I know." he just smiled once again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
How does he do this. How is it that every time I give up on him, he always comes up and makes me fall for him all over again? And every time I decide he's the one for me, he backs off. What's the problem here? Is it me or him? And why can't I tell?

Playing on iTunes right now: Freedom Fighters by The Music

P.S. Viva Bush!!!! (Even if he is losing at the moment)