Tuesday, October 26, 2004

We're All Going To Burn!!!

Wow. This is the first time I've updated my blog with nothing important/ depressing to say! Holy shit, what a change.

I am so incredibly psyched for the Phantom of the Opera movie!! Ugh! It's killing me! It comes out on Christmas and I've been dying for a month now! I finally heard the Phantom and Christine sing (for like 30 seconds) and it was still amazing! Anyway, before you all run away from my scary obsession-ism (I love my grammar :D) I should probably change the subject... but to what??? Wait! Before I change the subject, I must tell you, I'm making a Phantom of the Opera pumpkin this year! (I told you I should change the subject.)

I wore a skirt yesterday. That was interesting, I must say. For those of you that don't know me (oh wait, none of you know me.....) I never wear skirts. Except for one exception, and that is when I have to dress up. The last time I wore a skirt was on Tacky Formal day for Homecoming Spirit week at my school and that doesn't really count, now does it? The last time before that was probably my Grandpa's funeral which was two years ago. And yesterday, I wore one completely willingly. Scary..... when I start looking like a prep, you should all become very, very scared. And then you should kill me because I would probably be out of my mind. Thank you.

What else is there to say? Halloween will be cool, Nick is going..... and I already told you that. Well, it just goes to show you how happy it really makes me. Dan needs to still make up his fucking mind, god dammit. His indecisiveness is really beginning to piss me off!! I asked him a month ago, and he still hasn't given me a fucking straight answer.

Oh wait, I do have something to tell you! Ha! The highlight of my day. Anyway, I was in first hour, and when I left I realizes I forgot my purse. If I went to get it, I'd be late for second hour and I had a geometry test, so that would not be good. So I went to second hour and frantically started counting down the minutes until passing time when I could rush to Mr. Koch's room and get my purse back. Unbeknownst to me, there was a fire drill. Usually we are warned of these pain in the asses before they actually occur, but today they did not. So we all filed out of school to freeze our asses off (oh wait, mine's still there) and wait till they let us back in. Suddenly, Fire Rescue guys pulled up, and that's when I started thinking, what if this is a real fire! My purse is in there. And my iPod (which I'm not allowed to ring to school) is in my purse! My iPod is going to burn! I'm going to die when I get home and explain this to my parents. It turns out, it wasn't a real fire (duh) and after second hour I rushed in to Mr. Koch (my honor's english teacher)'s room, picked up my purse and nonchalantly covered for being in his room by asking him if he thought I would be wasting his time by conferencing on my paper (which I got a 97 on). He basically said yes, which also pissed me off. But Mr. Koch is cool. At least we finished Back To the Future today.

playing on iTunes right now (since my iPod is not burnt to a crisp :D): The Phantom of the Opera by Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford

Friday, October 22, 2004


How could I not put you guys through this? It's a quick, fun and easy way for you guys to learn about me w/ very little typing/ communication so it was pretty irresistable. I'd love your results as comments (hint hint)

Andrew Lloyd Webber Erik
You're Andrew Lloyd Webber Erik

Which Erik (Phantom Of the Opera) Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Erik is from Phantom of The Opera for all you uneducated people)

Crayon Box
You are the Crayon Box. You have a multicolor
personality. You mix well with all the other
colors because there's a small part of every
color inside you.

What Color Crayon Are You
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah, I vudd suggester SWEDISH as jor langvedge to

What language are you supposed to speak?
brought to you by Quizilla

What the hell does this have to do with me? I have no fucking idea, but at least I didn't get Spanish!!

Well, I have to march in a football game soon. (Yes, you could say I'm a marching band geek. Just not out loud. Shhh.....)

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Good News And Bad News.... No Seriously, Pick The Good News

Bad news first, I guess. I told you to pick the good news!! Follow directions next time! God, do I have to track you down and beat you? (I thought we had this discussion already, I'm not crazy....) Well, anyway, Dan likes Lyndsey. And you all knew that before me... I know. I should have known yesterday... but I didn't. Actually, I probably did, I was just totally in denial. Denial SUCKS!! How could I not have known it?!?! I'm so pissed off at myself! GOD, I am such a fucking retard. Even Nick knew today, just by guessing. I also wrote a very strange hate-poem today in Geometry about spider webs..... scary. Remind me to post it sometime. I promised you hate-poems, right? Well, here you go, I'll post it now. You'll just forget. Just don't freak out too much, guys:

Spider webs

I feel like a fly
A small insignificant insect
Not important in any way
Except for you to prey on

You're like a spider
Mysteriously beautiful
Enticing and Inviting
Waiting for me to fall into your trap

You're love is like a spider web
The sticky, deadly trap
Invisible until it's too late
Until you're stuck
And there's no way out
Until you kill me
You claim me, my insides
My heart
I'm crushed

But I'm free
Without even knowing it
That is, until I'm reeled back in

You must love the sport,
The taste,
The feel of my heart in your hands
Or else you would let me be free
Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

Now for the good news. (Since I probably scared you all away w/ my scary poem.. haha) Anyway, Nick rode the bus home, which made me very happy. We listened to freaky Queen songs while he danced and sang for the whole bus. Now that's scary... lol. Just kidding. Oh yeah, he's going trick-or-treating w/ me which also makes me very happy. I know he doesn't really want to, which he admitted, but he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, which I thought was nice. I gave him a big hug so I guess he knows I appreciate it :o)!! Haha, I just remembered, Nick promised me a collection of music videos of him dancing and singing Queen songs (he also promised pole dancing in them... kinky?... or scary?...... :o....) (<--- actually it's probably both...) for my birthday. Which btw, is in August, so he probably won't remember. But it's the thought that counts, right?

Playing on iTunes right now: There's No Solution by Sum 41

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Melancholy Mind

I don't know if I'm pissed right now or fucking miserable. Let's break it down:
I feel half pissed off because my friend is going on a "date" tomorrow with the guy I like. It's not really a date, but they're hanging out all day after school. And I told her that I wasn't mad, and I guess I'm not mad that she's hanging out with him, alone, with no one else there.... but I'm kinda mad she couldn't tell me. Well, maybe I wouldn't tell me either, if I knew I was going to react this way. I didn't even know she started to like him again... It just hurts that it's her and not me.

And I'm half completely depressed like I just got the shit beat of my heart because it always ends like this. See, this guy is the sweetest guy I've ever met. And I've liked him for three years now off and on. I feel different around him, and I think he knows me better than anyone else, without telling him. Like he knows things about me that I've never told anyone, including him. It sounds crazy, but that's just how he is. And he always flirts with me, like we give each other hugs all the time, and he tells me he loves me, but I guess he doesn't mean it the way I want him to. So every time I like him, he likes someone else. And then I get mad at myself for letting myself fall into that rut again. If it's happened before, why can't I just stop? Why is he so hard to get away from? For the longest time this summer I wrote hate-poems to him about how I could never talk to him again and about how much I hate what he does to my feelings. All it took was one glance and a little conversation to cancel that out. I don't understand it. But somehow I don't know that I'm supposed to.

On another note, Halloween is promising to suck. I made plans w/ Nick and Dan to go trick-or-treating w/ me and Lyndsey, but Nick is thinking about going to Canna's party instead, I can tell. If he does still go with me, I know that's not what he'll want to be doing. Fuck that, I don't see why I even care any more. Dan isn't going if Nick doesn't and I told him today that I could care less and that I honestly didn't give a shit whether he went w/ me or not. Which was a total lie, and like I said before, Dan can see right through me, so he knew I was lying. And yet he still hasn't made up his mind on whether or not he's going. I think I'll post some hate poems later just to remind myself he can be a jack ass. On the bright side (well, ok, not so pitch black, but not quite bright), Dan might go just because Lyndsey is.

My, I have a melancholy mind.

Playing right now on iTunes: Open Arms by Journey

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I'm here, where are you?

This is my first post. Wow. Who's here reading this? Why would someone want to read this? Why am I here, writing to anyone? Well, I guess that is why. I'm here, writing about my every day so that any one who cares can come and read it. Anything that I need to just get out of myself will be here. For you. Do you feel special? Maybe you should. Or maybe you're crazy. How did you find this anyway? Never mind, I don't want to know. Do I know you? Wait, maybe I don't want to know that either.

I think this will basically be where I can confess everything and anything. That doesn't make much sense. Everything that I can't tell anyone else, I'll put here so thousands or millions of people can read it instead. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Now we're even.

Well, here it goes. My name is Sam. Well, actually it's Samantha, but I don't need to tell you that. Because I still haven't figured out if you're crazy or not. But you can't come to my house and rape me just because I told you my name, can you? I hope not. Anyway, I guess I'll just be honest with you. That's why I'm here isn't it? You obviously care. Or maybe you're just pretending, but you're here anyway. So, I'm a freshman in high school this year which is ok I guess. You know how you're creepy relatives (including parents) always say you're growing up too fast? Well, I'm growing up too fast for myself. Don't ask me what that means because sometimes I don't even believe it. But sometimes I wish I was still in kindergarten where the biggest decision I had was whether I wanted to use the red or blue crayon to color the pretty girl's dress in the coloring book. That's another thing about me. I've never wanted to be the pretty, popular girl that everyone loved. For some reason that no one else understands, that hasn't ever mattered to me. I don't care what other people think of me. It doesn't matter at all. What does matter is accomplishing my dreams and being a good person. Why is that so hard for people to understand?

Another thing about me, I do not have a boyfriend. "Ahh! Oh no! She must be a lesbian!" Nope. Sorry. Yes, I like guys, yes I have a crush on a guy, but at the moment, having a boyfriend doesn't matter much. I'd like one, sure, but it's not that big of a deal. And anyway, when you live in Nowhere, USA, everyone makes your business theirs too. So if I went out w/ someone, everyone else in my school would want to know about every single fucking detail, and I'm not into that.

So... there you are, a vague description of me. Yes, there will be more, don't fret. Not that I'm going to assume that this will ever manage to be read. But just in case it does, I've added one of those county-thingies, so if you read this, I'll know. I'll know where you live too!! (Not really, don't freak out, I'm not THAT crazy. I just want to know there's someone there to read my internet ramblings about the horrors of teen-age life. You know you agree with me. I'm getting out of parentheses now, ok?)