Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I'm here, where are you?

This is my first post. Wow. Who's here reading this? Why would someone want to read this? Why am I here, writing to anyone? Well, I guess that is why. I'm here, writing about my every day so that any one who cares can come and read it. Anything that I need to just get out of myself will be here. For you. Do you feel special? Maybe you should. Or maybe you're crazy. How did you find this anyway? Never mind, I don't want to know. Do I know you? Wait, maybe I don't want to know that either.

I think this will basically be where I can confess everything and anything. That doesn't make much sense. Everything that I can't tell anyone else, I'll put here so thousands or millions of people can read it instead. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Now we're even.

Well, here it goes. My name is Sam. Well, actually it's Samantha, but I don't need to tell you that. Because I still haven't figured out if you're crazy or not. But you can't come to my house and rape me just because I told you my name, can you? I hope not. Anyway, I guess I'll just be honest with you. That's why I'm here isn't it? You obviously care. Or maybe you're just pretending, but you're here anyway. So, I'm a freshman in high school this year which is ok I guess. You know how you're creepy relatives (including parents) always say you're growing up too fast? Well, I'm growing up too fast for myself. Don't ask me what that means because sometimes I don't even believe it. But sometimes I wish I was still in kindergarten where the biggest decision I had was whether I wanted to use the red or blue crayon to color the pretty girl's dress in the coloring book. That's another thing about me. I've never wanted to be the pretty, popular girl that everyone loved. For some reason that no one else understands, that hasn't ever mattered to me. I don't care what other people think of me. It doesn't matter at all. What does matter is accomplishing my dreams and being a good person. Why is that so hard for people to understand?

Another thing about me, I do not have a boyfriend. "Ahh! Oh no! She must be a lesbian!" Nope. Sorry. Yes, I like guys, yes I have a crush on a guy, but at the moment, having a boyfriend doesn't matter much. I'd like one, sure, but it's not that big of a deal. And anyway, when you live in Nowhere, USA, everyone makes your business theirs too. So if I went out w/ someone, everyone else in my school would want to know about every single fucking detail, and I'm not into that.

So... there you are, a vague description of me. Yes, there will be more, don't fret. Not that I'm going to assume that this will ever manage to be read. But just in case it does, I've added one of those county-thingies, so if you read this, I'll know. I'll know where you live too!! (Not really, don't freak out, I'm not THAT crazy. I just want to know there's someone there to read my internet ramblings about the horrors of teen-age life. You know you agree with me. I'm getting out of parentheses now, ok?)


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